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[03 May 2007|01:41am] I have not talked in this for a very long time. I need to remember my thoughts and my instincts and try to overcome them and be as good a person as I was when I wrote in this journal the other time. If I remember that my smaller emotions are based solely on my deeper emotions, I can recognize little spats of anger for what they are. I need to get over it. Here especially, everyone is beautiful and there is nobody who is not worth my time. If I am mean to the people I am closest to, that is worse than being mean to the people I barely know, because for them, it hurts more. I need to remember that. I also need to get out of here. I'd forgotten what it means to relax and to escape from school. Because I can't escape from school here. Ever. No matter where I go, it will follow me. All the way to Gulf Breeze, where I will briefly shut myself in my house and just be for awhile. Love me?

awesome weekend [16 Apr 2006|03:53pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Belle and Sebastian - White Collar Boy ] This has been one of the coolest groups of three days I've had for awhile. I went up to Iowa to visit college. I dunno about the college itself, but I had a great time otherwise. I love the feeling of floating from place to place and enjoying everything and just doing whatever seems cool at the time. There was actually very very little awkwardness! Which is new, for me. I met a couple groups of people that I really enjoyed spending time with. And got a couple screennames, which is cool. So Rasta died a few days ago. Now that it's actually happened, I am not too upset. I guess just the steeling myself for it to happen was the worst. I love that dog, a whole lot. She's the sweetest, coolest, most laid back, happiest, friendliest dog ever. Not annoying. Just really great. But she was hurting a lot since she got that cancer. Fortunately, she didn't hold on for too long after that, so it's not like she was in pain for a long time. Like Missy. Or Fawnie. I don't really want to talk about that too much, though, because it makes me a little sad. Victor gave me a bitchin sweet CD. Actually, he gave me two, but I listened to this one first and haven't actually listened to the other one yet. Other than that, it was a very uneventful birthday. I don't feel like anything's changed. This year in general has been very uneventful. None of the holidays have really mattered. Shit, it's a holiday today, isn't it? Haha. I keep forgetting. Every day's about the same. But every day's also much cooler than most days of every other year. I wish I could share stuff with more people. And that they'd understand. As much as I can talk about my awesome couple nights, I can't actually describe how awesome I felt. Haha. And even trying to explain... you just can't explain people. Feeling special is awesome, though, and everyone can relate to that. I have to go eat now. Love me?

[22 Mar 2006|06:11pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Pink Floyd - Great Gig in the Sky ] I hope tonight is good. I'm going on a real live date with Mr. Hartsfield. I dunno, yesterday wasn't too hot, I guess. It was alright. But nothing like the day before. Every day after a day that's amazing, and you hope that it will continue along that path, but it's just kind of normal... that is a let down. It seems like at least once every night, he gets upset at something but won't tell me what, although I imagine it's got a lot to do with how I act and some old fights that I don't want to drag to the surface again. There was a time when I wouldn't have been able to ignore it and would have kind of dived into the fight again, but not anymore. Still, though, it kind of casts a damper on things. Which is lame. I am really glad that Raymond has been online sometimes recently. I'd forgotten how much fun it is to talk to him. And what an amazing person he is in general. As long as we don't start arguing about stuff that I actually care about, cause he plays devils advocate like no other. But he was about my favourite person to talk to and then he just disappeared all of a sudden. And now he reappeared just as suddenly. Streetlight Manifesto redid Keasbey Nights, and I have to say that I really love the new CD. I guess that's about all I've got to say, other than I'm considering taking the next step into nerddom and getting an Oblivion Folder shirt. Cause the shirt's pretty sweet. That is all. Love me?

God it's been a lovely day [12 Mar 2006|04:21pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Dresden Dolls - Good Day ] Today's been truly spring breaklike. Harrison, Jenna, and I went to the beach, which was pretty fun, and then we all went to play kickball, which was pretty awesome too! I feel so like... social. And now I'm going to work. Wooo. Nothing too interesting but that, but I have some lyrics. I haven't listened to the dresden dolls in about a year, I think. They're pretty emo, but I really really like the song. Like a whole lot. The whole CD in fact. The Jeep Song is awesome too; I may post that later. : ) I'm so going to go listen to this in my car on the way to work. ( Read more... ) Love me?

I hope you enjoy yourself with what's-his-face [07 Mar 2006|11:48pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | Michael Gum - Are You Having Fun? ] Thank god for anonymity. ( Read more... ) I think too much. Into everything. : \ Love me?

I'll set you free, and just like me you'll be bein [03 Mar 2006|12:38am] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Jefferson Airplane ] I know every time I post in here, it's lyrics, but even though nobody reads this, if anyone does, consider this a hearty recommendation to buy or download the album Surrealistic Pillow by Jefferson Airplane. ( Read more... ) Peace is awesome. I don't mean that in some political way, but I mean when the sun's out and it feels great and you're carefree and content and confident. It's been so perfect around recently, that it seems like about every day has been like that. So amazing. Love me?

[27 Feb 2006|03:50pm] [ mood | annoyed ] Not going to even delve into the retarded middle school crap that's been goin on round this joint. But I'll have no part in it. Love me?

he sings the songs that remind him of the good times [25 Feb 2006|12:57am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Reel Big Fish ] he sings the songs that remind him of the better times. I'm a dumbass. That's okay for me, I guess. Anger is healthier than just... sadness. I'm not going to make much sense. I'm really really tired. Everything is just a question of what's true and what's not and everything just goes back to how committed I am to whatever it is. How many words are worth it? This doesn't have to make sense. I really like music. I think a lot of it is about to be behind a cut, so I wouldn't click it unless you really want to know about me and Reel Big Fish. ( Read more... ) Night guys. Love me?

warm light on a winter's day [13 Feb 2006|04:36pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Shins ] Haven't written in here for a good long while. It's been a weird week or so. It's not going to get any less weird. There has been a lot of *sing* awk ward! But not too bad. I guess I'm just naturally friendly and slightly heartless. I don't know when I got that way. Not heartless, but I don't know... maybe a little resilient? I didn't used to be, not at all. I think perhaps it was last year this time that kind of did me in, because now I know I can take feeling helpless and out of control. Hmmm. Well, I guess I'll just do like normal and sit back and see what happens and hope it's nothing really aggregiously horrible. I have a test tonight, so I should probably go study, but all my work is in my car. Which is waaay too long a walk to go get something. Hah. I hope it's easy. I dunno though, Kermit seems like he's not going to take any slack. I wish I had the temerity to stick to the decisions that I make while I'm totally rational during times when I'm entirely clouded. I am just far too easily persuadable. Along the lines of being persuadable, I wish I didn't depend on other peoples' perceptions and stories and opinions to figure out my own. I'd probably be a whole lot happier that way. But good friends and family that are very derisive get me every time. Tomorrow is Valentine's! I think I'm going to go see a movie. With Harrison Ford in it. It is a largely appropriate way to spend the day. I am very, very glad this is not still sophomore year. Or last year. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever had a happy valentine's! This year doesn't look like it will be all too different. : ) No, I'm being melodramatic, this year isn't that bad. At least I'm missing the whole day of school! And I got flowers for pretty much everyone! And I don't have a bunch of dumb stuff after school! And I'll get to go to a movie! Hooray! This year I have absolutely no expectations. Aside from that the day will be better than most days. I have to go eat now, hope I don't have to delete this when I get home on account of being completely dumb. Love me?

[30 Dec 2005|11:23pm] [ mood | excited ] No cut because nobody even looks at these anymore, but I really love my room right now. Ceiling fan: Yeaaaah it makes really pretty shadows. Might do new years tomorrow if nobody else does, so if I do, anyone who reads this is welcome to come. Call me first. 2 Sad Pictures|Love me?

This is kinda dumb [07 Dec 2005|10:15pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | stuff that I'm embarassed to write down : ) ] ( Read more... ) That said, this week has been full of the bad kind of dumb shit, but the worst part of it is over, and now I think it's going to be okay. Just holding on till break, really. And perhaps it's time to sleep now. 1 Sad Picture|Love me?

the way you made them suffer, your exquisite wife and mother.... [14 Nov 2005|11:05pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | guess ] Lyrics, I guess. ( Read more... ) Love me?

yeah! [31 Oct 2005|10:36pm] [ mood | good ] [ music | Catch 22 for the first time in awhile ] Well. This past month or so has been pretty good, since last I wrote. Halloween was tonight. Band Dance Saturday. Nano starts at midnight! Haha, I'm so unprepared. Oh well, I guess I'm just being a lazyass. I will go work on stuff now. It's just been a good little life, I reckon. Love me?

[06 Oct 2005|04:58pm] Today I learned how to play DDR. Hoorah! 3 Sad Pictures|Love me?

[30 Sep 2005|11:32pm] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | Getaway ] Today has been so awesome. Awesome classes, awesome day, awesome everything... just a mound of awesome all over the place! We won the game. Our show was (from the field) amazing... as I knew it would be. The dance party kicked ass, haha. Even though I don't know half as much rap as everyone else. Or any other sort of music. Which is a shame. Haha, McLeod basically just told me that he was really really trying to get me a solo... maybe I should cooperate and actually try to learn the stuff. : \ Only the one bad thing, and that was funny in its own right. Love me?

I'm on the line, one open mind [29 Sep 2005|09:24pm] [ mood | jazzed! ] So today was pretty much awesome, aside from all the work I'm going to have to do when I stop being lazy. Awesome day at school, awesome practice, and I mean really awesome, it left me actually happy to be in band. Pine Forrest tomorrow, and we'll kick their collective ass. And tomorrow's the last day of school. And a pep rally. And just... stuff is so good. 2 Sad Pictures|Love me?

[04 Sep 2005|01:11pm] [ mood | ouch ] I just sliced my fingertip up, and it hurts a lot. We're gonna go do Glamour Shots in like 15 minutes, haha. If anything ever has needed a lol, that was it, but I'm not a loler. Anyways, my hair is pretty ugly right now, because I cut my finger looking for the comb, and so I didn't get to get to it until it was partly dry. So it's pretty ugly. I hope they can fix it there, because I don't want to have an ugly nice photo of me taken. These here days have been pretty good. Got to hang out with Harry, JLo, and James yesterday for the first time in forever. I may go to sushi night yet, but really, I don't get many nights that I can just eat with my family for. There's Thursdays and Mondays, and usually sundays, but not this week. So I'm probably going to just stay home. This oh so exciting journal entry is ending now, goodbye, and people aside from Mary need to post! Mary too, of course. But it's getting lonely. 1 Sad Picture|Love me?

I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather. [27 Aug 2005|11:08pm] [ mood | uneasy ] Today's been most peculiar. I was supposed to go to the pancake breakfast (I was also supposed to send out emails to the people who were supposed to be there, but I didn't have the signup list), but I slept through my alarm. Then we had a meeting thing at 10.30. It just all seemed very disjointed, I dunno. And I've been uneasy all day, and I don't know why. The football game was pretty awesome, and it reminded me, as I was hoping, why I like to be in band. Our show was pretty good, I'd say. From what I could see, it was my section's best run ever. I just hope things stay okay once Jessi gets back. I'm sure they will. I don't usually have to worry about her, marchingwise at least. Playingwise is a different story, but I don't think anyone in my section, including me, can actually play the mellophone. Anyway, so I had a ton of trouble every time I woke up. But work was pretty cool. And by pretty cool, I mean everyone was new except for Christina. Haha. And she's still pretty new relative to everyone. But it worked out okay. We didn't get out of there horrendously late. Anyways, Tom's supposed to call me, but he's probably at the wall right now, so I'm guessing that's not going to be happening. Oh well, it's all good. I really enjoy being busy. A lot. I'd probably hate it if I had a social life at all, but I really don't. And honestly, I don't really care that much. Which says a lot of bad things about me. But as much as I love almost all people, there're only a few of them that I ever really hang out with without feeling like just a big ball of awkward. And I've done that recently, anyways. Talked to Christina and Alicia, and now I want to go to various churches in the area and see what they're like. Maybe I'll accompany Leah to the Buddhist Center sometime, too. Or I would if I had any Wednesdays off, heh. Which reminds me, I got into the Astronomy Lab. And I hope it's not too much work for me to handle, cause I don't know how much more work I can do. Fortunately, it's online, and I always have pleeenty of online time to waste (which is why I'm here, in fact, just killing time,) so that should be something else to add to my list of things to do whenever I'm on the computer. Which reminds me, I need to send Mr. Wooten an email. I'm gonna go do that now. Love me?

[25 Aug 2005|09:49pm] ... it wouldn't let me do Ferraratron. : ( Love me?

yeah that's right [23 Aug 2005|11:16pm] [ mood | content ] Well, everything's been different this year so far. I love being a senior too much. And I'm in too many clubs. And classes are interesting. I love Newspaper. I'm so glad they froze the schedule, otherwise I wouldn't be taking it at all. And that would be a tragedy. It's great seeing Victor, finally, during the school day. Even if there are other people I don't see. It's all good. Life seems to have done a flip flop, and I'm not liking band. Sometimes, it's good, but my section's getting me down a little. Plus, with everything else going on, the massive time committment it entails just seems to not be worth it. This is probably not too great, seeing as I'm like all high up in it and stuff. But it's just a little bit sad. I'm looking forward to concert season. I guess it's good to not really care that this is my last year of marching. Because otherwise, it'd be sad. Everything aside from that is perfect. Astronomy starts tomorrow. : ) Eric and I are gonna go learn about the stars!!!111!!!!~~` Gradeline's down, and that's annoying. I guess I actually care about grades a little. I need to get off my ass and start the whole applying to college deal. I think I'm just going to handwrite em. Because doing it online is just weird, from what I've experienced. Although it probably looks nicer, I just don't like the format I've seen. Particularly the tiny little boxes for extracurriculars. I'd rather just have a sheet of paper. Well, that's all for now, off to proof Matt's thing, which I'm sure will be awesome. 3 Sad Pictures|Love me?

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